Free Bacon

I don't know where to start with this one:

"College is all about finding your niche. Some students "find" themselves in books, while others discover themselves in bars. This guide to college fun isn't about books. Whether you're a punk or just like to get drunk, the following nightlife picks should help you get in where you fit in. (Tell Mom and Dad to calm down--not all of them have to do with drinking.)"

This rhyme studded paragraph is the intro to the article, "Get in where you fit in", which is on E3 of today's Variety section. It lists the best places, according to Tom Horgen, for college students to get trashed in the Twin Cities. I have nothing against drinking, mind you, but I do take issue with cliche tropes like "college is all about finding your niche". College is a place to get an education, and I deeply resented being kept awake at night by kids who were blasting Britney Spears and "finding their niche".

Secondly, why does Horgen put quotes around "find" and not around "discover"? Is he saying that students allegedly learn about themselves through their studies because he wouldn't know from experience, or did he leave the quotes off of "discover" because that would read too much like "Joey 'discovered' himself for the first time when he found his brother's Playboy magazines"? I suppose there is no hidden meaning behind this inconsistency--just the lazy editing that is becoming the hallmark of this paper.

Lastly, why, oh why the rhyming? The rhyming is far worse than any superfluous alliteration, especially when it's just plain bad rhyming. You know what else rhymes with "drunk"? How about, "stunk," "skunk" and "bunk"? Let this be a lesson, kiddies: rhyming is not a substitute for quality writing. Unless, of course, you're writing ad copy for a third rate mattress retailer.

The article does contain some valuable information. For instance, I didn't know that Wednesday was free bacon night at the Triple Rock and I appreciate that Horgen included this tidbit. I also appreciate that he didn't try to find a rhyme for "bacon".