Tom Horgen Can't Write

I want to punch Tom Horgen in the face. His writing is pathetic and his articles are a joke, but his picture in the paper--with that impish smirk--settles it for me. He must be punched in the face. Preferably by my fist.

In his most recent article he wrote about places to go during the week, and he wrote something to the effect of, "You've heard of weekend warriors. Well now you can be a weeklong warrior." I mean, like, wow. That is one impressive turn of phrase. It puts Shakespeare to shame. It humbles Byron. Langston Hughes is totally kicking himself for not having thought of it first.

With the unemployment rate as high as it is, it irks me that people who are bad at their job still have jobs. If I were an employer and I had an employee who wasn't turning out stellar work, I'd be interviewing. There's a vast pool of incredibly talented people out there right now, so I don't understand why people who can't write well, or (in the case of the receptionist at my dentist's office) can't figure out how to file an insurance claim, or don't perform well still have jobs.

I think that this would be the perfect time for the Star Tribune to reinvent itself. Unload some of the people who aren't the best writers, let Kim Ode get back to writing columns (please!), and bring on some people who can do better than "weekend warrior...weeklong warrior".

The one good thing about Tom Horgen's articles is that they let me know where NOT to go. It's obvious that he's the type who likes to party with the frat boy, "let's take over Mayslack's and run down the street barking" kind of crowd. I'll forego the priviledge.